My mother claims she has never farted in front if my dad, and I believe her... mostly. I assume (lol butt puns) she's never done it intentionally, but the fart wants what it wants, you know?

To return to my intended topic: do people really not tolerate their partners poots to the point where they must be exiled to some flatulent Elba? Or the couch, whatever. Maybe I'm just overly tolerant—I had my gall bladder out at the young age of 31, as did one of my cousins. My brother and I were both prescribed Zantac in high school due to Terror Stomach, and when I get together with my aunts we swap constipation remedies (and horror stories). I have nothing but the utmost sympathy and understanding for tummy troubles, and am the go-to Keeper of TMI Tales for my friends.

Yes, farting is gross, we can all agree on that, but I guess since they don't make me sick or give me migraines I just can't be bovvered to care, and don't understand why a person who is already uncomfortable should be made more so.

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For context, I am lying on the couch tooting merrily at this very minute, watching The White Queen and trying to get sleepy so I can be ready for an interview tomorrow. Baby's First Interview Out of Grad School, by Playskool, confidence not included. You can pretend.